Saturday, September 19, 2026

Resident Evil becomes Homeowner Evil after getting a Mortgage Evil

 Been a long time since I posted a real movie review, but then I saw Cregger's Resident Evil.

 Resident Evil (2026 film) - Wikipedia

There's controversy about it! You probably already know about it and I have nothing to add to that irrelevant idiocy. I want to talk about the actual movie. This post is going to have all "spoilers" but what are you worried about to be spoiled for in a zombie movie? We know what happens.

 Let's start at the ending, because that might be the most provocative part. After an hour of climbing through wreckage, shooting zombie heads off, and being a leveled up badass, our hero has reached his destination (the lab building) to miraculously deliver the last ingredient of the cure!

Then everything falls apart. And not because of force majeur either.

The "scientists" let Bryan into their lab then forget about him. They're running around in this coordinated clusterfuck of a mob with ADHD. Contrasting against the gritty, detailed, dark world outside, the lab is running these sleek gee-whiz Jetsons age machines that are spinning and pumping injecting. It looks like the engine room from the new Star Trek.

Star Trek: 10 Secrets Of The USS Discovery You Need To Know – Page 6 

And everyone in a white labcoat is a clown. They can't even insert a needle without shaking. They yell at Bryan to go away but don't actually *do* anything to make sure of it. The scientists shout at other scientists to do risky but necessary things, but won't do it themselves. They throw a plastic something at the zombie's head as their most offensive attack. There are a dozen decision points where if they had just made a competent decision, they'd have a cure and cure Bryan and everything would be fine. They get YOINKED by a tentacle appearing out of nowhere.

Hell, Bryan nearly didn't get there because he took the elevator he was warned was dangerous, instead of having to climb 28 flights of stairs. That is not a lot of stairs. 

For anyone hoping for tactical thinking, it's extremely frustrating. For everyone else, it's hilarious! This is three stooges level comedy, and our protagonist has to watch it helplessly, first as a victim then as the monster. You have to embrace that genre shift, or else the end makes no thematic sense.

 No, it fits perfectly with the theme of the whole movie.

 What is the first thing that happens in the movie? So often a whole movie can be understood from the first silly joke at the front.

Bryan delivers an organ, no one at the hospital signs for it. He claims *anyone* can sign for it. The nurse of duty asks why doesn't he sign for it then? He signs for it, though he clearly doesn't want to.

That's it. That's the whole movie there.

At every juncture where Bryan thinks he has been rescued - the first cop, Maxine, the lab - the supposed rescuer dies horribly and Bryan has to be the one to push on. No one is coming to save you. You have to do this yourself.

There's no martial Daddy authority who will fix this, and not even any all-knowing corporate scientists with a macguffin can. There's just you, the gun you found along the way, and maybe a tentacle to take on the world.

How this ties into the "videogamey" elements of the visuals (the first person, unlocking puzzles to advance, finding increasing firepower, and counting ammo) is obvious. And it ties in to his personal journey.

Bryan is facing the responsibility of being a father. His first response is to repeat a platitude about it being his girlfriend's body and her choice. Which is true, but is still an escape. Michelle isn't going to come and rescue him either. He has to decide to "man up" and face maturity and responsibility on his own.

The end is not that Bryan tragically becomes a zombie and dies. We know that in any Resident Evil game, the true villain is the Umbrella Corporation.

And Bryan has realized if no one else is going to destroy them, he has to do it himself. 

 

 

 

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